it the start of a new life.

thinking alot recently. Enjoying the breeze downstair. Smoking and smoking. What is fated will be fated. Choice is still up to own individual. No matter what choices is being make. Fate and destiny is the same. Many things i learn. Learning from mistake and push myself up once again. Lies are always there. How to know what is the difference. I dont want to know. Am i just deceiving myself between lies and truth. Certain things i see it so clearly tat i cant imagine. The thoughts keep flashing in my mind. I fear. I really fear. What is the truth meaning of love. Aint it suppose to be happiness. Why am i feeling so disappointed again and again. For now i just want to start anew. Be it myself. Maybe in the future i would meet some one better. I really hate bottling up my feelings. I hate facing the four walls to keep thinking. Why am i feeling this way. Why does god have to control everyone life with fate. Who the one for me, to really love and care for long. Who is willing to do so. I had so many relationship. Why all is such a failure. I hope i can stand up soon for a new relationship if it come by. But i really fear. I lost my confidence long ago. I have no confidence any more. Save me from miserable. Save me from sorrow. Why must i be always e bad one. Why must i be such a failure in relationship. Now this is the time to become a new me. :) all the past i will try to forget. I dont wish to know any more thing. I just want to be with my love one if i met one. Starting everything once again is not easy. Hopefully one day.